A week of ups and downs

My little brother once had a toy train set, with clunky little plastic engines, and somehow we were always driving the engines off the track. Perhaps they didn't fit right, or maybe we were just too rough with the little toy engines, but one way or another, there were a lot of derailments.

Sometimes that's how it feels to be an artist - a constant struggle to stay on track. There are so many ways we can become derailed. Negative comments from other people can throw us off track. As can positive ones for that matter. Also imagined responses, from collectors or gallery owners. We can be thrown off track by life events, or a bad mood, or by the weather, or by the fact someone needs our attention.

This week, I was thrown off by my own innate drive. I've always been a hard worker and I've always been driven towards success, in whatever form it takes. As a younger person, I wanted career success and I worked long hours to attain it. Now I am less career-focused, but still possessed of the same drive.

When this tendency rears its head, it manifests as a drive to complete paintings, something i know it utterly coutre-productive. The more we try to finish something, the less likely it is to cooperate. The secret to success is to simply be present and engaged and allow the process to unfold naturally.

I know all this. I teach this. But still sometimes, I am derailed by the desire to produce.

That happened this week. I found myself frustrated with a painting and unable to get started on any new ones, It felt as though my enthusiasm for the project was waning ... maybe the idea had run its course, over before it had really got started?

Then I caught myself and realised what had happened. I had got caught up in trying to finish this painting. I had stopped experimenting. I wasn't learning or making exciting discoveries.

The fix was so simple. I walked away from the troublesome piece and started two new ones, bringing. afresh energy of adventure to them. I moved paint quickly and tried some new techniques, and just like that, the energy returned. I was back on track.

I'm starting to think that self-awareness is the number one requirement for art-making. The more we are present with ourselves and aware of our internal states, the less likely we are to derail  or -  if we do come off the tracks - the easier it is to get back on. 

The ancient greeks had it right. Inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi were the words "Know thyself," which turns out to be great advice for painters :)