The place I always come back to

Over the last few weeks, I've returned to drawing. Not just as a pastime, but as a key part of my art-making.

I still love abstract painting and collaging, and I have lots of that work on the go, but I find I have to follow where my art wants to go, and recently there's a pull back to portraits. 

Now that I have the luxury of a larger space, I can juggle all these projects much more easily. Having spent time working in a cupboard and then in a small guest bedroom, I know how lucky I am!

In those days, I resisted changing because it would mean putting everything away to make room, and then maybe having to do it all again a few weeks later when my inspiration shifted again.

But that's no longer my reality and I've been making the most of my space. I have a table set up for my small collages, I have my painting wall where the large canvases hang. And I have my drawing wall, which is made of cork tiles so that I can pin up sheets of paper or pieces of canvas.

So, I turned to that wall and began drawing self-portraits.

I suppose all of my art is a self-portraiture as I am always processing things or healing from things or exploring things about myself or my life. I genuinely believe that the personal is universal, and that if I can find some way to express my feelings, I can also move others. But these are actual self portraits, made with charcoal and pencil on large paper (30" x 22"). 

At some point, one of the portraits went very wrong, so I decided to collage a piece of paper over the top of the original sheet so that I could carry on. But when I stuck the paper down, I was suddenly in love with the way the lines of the paper disrupted the face.

That one accident has sparked a new series of drawings/paintings/collages. I'm not sure what to call them honestly as they are made with charcoal, pastels, paint, paper, glue, pencil, ink and anything else I can get my hands on. 

As I work I realise I'm using all my knowledge of abstract composition and my experience with collaging vintage papers, but I am also returning to drawing, where my skills are a little more rusty. The strength of these images relies on strong drawings - I have to not only be able to get a likeness, but I also need to create depth and interest in the drawings themselves, so that they hold their own in the overall composition. 

So, as well as working in the studio, I've begun to draw self-portraits during spare moments of the day, or in the evenings, practicing with different techniques and mediums.

This sketch was done in charcoal and pencil. I enjoyed it, but see so much room for improvement in the shading and gradations of tone. 

Making these small drawings (and the larger portraits) is connecting me back to earlier versions of myself. To six-year old me with my colouring books, and nine year old me drawing my favourite cartoon characters, and teenage me making caricatures of the teachers at school. Drawing is one of the consistent threads that has run throughout my entire life. It has been a place of safety and refuge and it has been a source of joy. 

I'm so pleased that it's back in my life again :)