Whose opinion really matters
Who are you listening to?
One of my students messaged me this week, upset. She had shared a painting online — a real breakthrough piece, one she felt was deeply, authentically her. And nobody responded. No comments. No likes. Radio silence.
She said, “It felt as though they were rejecting the real me.”
My heart went out to her, because I’ve felt that exact sting. But also — that interpretation is absolute nonsense.
So many artists, especially early on, hand their creative self-esteem to people who are in no way qualified to hold it.
These are the wrong people; the unhelpful people; the people who don’t understand what we’re trying to do, don’t know how to look at art, don’t know what matters in a piece, or don’t even know we want feedback.
And yet we give their silence (or worse, their opinions) tremendous power.
This is madness. Here’s the truth:
If someone is not qualified to give artistic feedback, and you didn’t ask for their feedback, their reaction means nothing.
It’s like asking a pigeon for tax advice. It doesn’t matter what it thinks — because it doesn’t know.
So who is qualified?
I think qualified people have two key things:
They have experience.
They’ve made things. Failed at things. Learned things. They understand process, not just product.They understand what you are aiming for.
They know your intention. They’ve listened. They’ve asked questions. They’re responding to your goals — not to their own personal preferences.
Without those two things, it’s not feedback. It’s noise, and you should treat it as such — let it dissolve before it even reaches your nervous system.
In the case of my lovely student, her friends saw her painting but didn't respond, so her brain spun a story:
“They’re rejecting the real me.”
No. That's just not true!
They might have been busy and distracted.
They might not have understood what the painting meant to her.
They might not know how to talk about art.
They might simply not have recognised its significance.
They might have liked it and not been in a commenting mood.
Silence online does not equal rejection.
Even more importantly, so what if they did see it and didn't like it? They’re not qualified to decide the value of her work. Maybe they just don't understand that kind of art. Maybe they have a different taste in art. None of that means they rejected their friend.
I get ignored online all the time. Most people who see my work don't comment. And of the fraction who do, some leave genuinely mean-spirited comments.
These people know absolutely nothing about my process, my intentions, or art itself, but they comment anyway.
If I let those comments hurt me, I would never make anything. I would never take risks. I would never grow. And I would certainly never share.
So I don’t let them in. They’re not qualified to speak into my creative life — and I didn’t invite them to.
Look, our creative energy is precious. Our courage is precious. Our voices are needed. (Look at the state of the world without them!)
Why would you hand any of that to someone who doesn’t know how to care for it?
So if you’re going to seek feedback (and it can be very valuable), ask someone who:
understands art
asks you what you were aiming for (and listens!)
and has the skill to help you move closer to your intention
Everybody else can respond however they respond — it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their likes, beliefs, attitudes, tastes and personal history.
So here's my message for this week: if you make something that feels real and true and alive to you, trust that. Your own sense of aliveness is the only compass that matters.
Don’t look outward for validation that can only come from your inner knowing. Don’t hand your precious creative self to people who don’t know how to hold it. And don’t assume silence means anything — especially online.
Protect your creative spark. Show your work bravely. And only listen to the voices that have earned a place in your studio.